1-800-FAKE-DIPLOMA

This conversation, with a sales rep from fake diploma provider "Glenndale University," from yesterday's NYTimes Education Life supplement, is a riot: Exerpts:

Q. Can you tell me a bit about the program?

A. What we have is a credentialing program that will reward you for your work, private study and life experience. This is a non-accredited degree and cannot be used for transferringcredits to another institution of higher learning. However, you most certainly can use them for business and employment purposes and almost everything else. The way it works is that we will take your word on your qualifications, and we will base your degree on what you tell us. So assuming you’re a professional in your field and all you are missing is the documentation of the degree, you can comfortably use this diploma to fill that obligation.

Upon our discretion, you will receive, within 7 to 10 business days, a bachelor’s degree, an M.B.A., a master’s degree or even a Ph.D. The degree will be made to your specifications. If your past achievements support it, then you can graduate summa cum laude, the greatest distinction. If you feel your achievements deserve a more modest grade point average, then that can be reflected on your transcript. It looks very much like the degree of U.C.L.A.

You are allowed to assume any titles that come with your degree. If you are to get a Ph.D., you could legally call yourself doctor. And when we receive an inquiry from a prospective employer we will verify your degree and send off certified copies of the transcript you receive. It will be coming from Glenndale University, located in London, England. I’m prepared to offer you the unheard-of price of $500.

Q. Wow. Do you get anything else with it?

A. With a bachelor’s, you get a four-year transcript; with a master’s you get a three-year transcript. Each class is listed, graded, and the transcript conforms to standards in your major. In addition, you would be receiving a laminated, wallet-sized replica of your diploma.

And:

Q. You don’t have any classes, even online?

A. No, but our Web site makes it look like we do.

Plus:

Q. You said someone could pick their grade point, too? What’s the highest?

A. It’s 3.8 to be summa cum laude. You already have a bachelor’s degree, right? I think we should give you the 3.8.

I'm guessing it's the laminated, wallet-sized replica that really puts them over the top.

Now, it goes without saying that the people running "Glenndale University" are nothing but fraudsters, and anyone trying to pass off such a degree as legit deserves to be found out.

But it does highlight a couple of interesting issues related to higher education. First, the high demand for services from accredited colleges and universities is partly a function of their exclusive franchise: they're the only providers of a product that holds great and growing value in the modern economy: permanent, portable, universally-accepted credentials of knowledge and skills. Even though people often acquire most of their useful knowledge and skills on the job, there are no legitimate, rigorous assessors or credentialers of "work, private study, and life experience" Why not? Should there be?

Second, college degrees are more of a commodity than higher education folks would like to admit. Outside of well-known or elite schools--which educate only a small fraction of all students--a B.A. is a B.A. is a B.A. There are many hundreds of public and private degree-granting institutions that are basically unknown outside of their region. The only guarantor of their quality is accreditation, and that process is opaque and only establishes a quality floor. Nobody really knows if a degree from relatively anonymous university A is any better or worse than a degree from relatively anonymous university B. That's what allows the "Glenndale Universities" of the world to stay in business.